This year, instead of going through my anticipated summer movie releases by date, I have selected 15 movies coming out from May through August and ranked them from my least anticipated to frothing demand.
16. Transformers: The Last Knight – Okay, I picked 16, but Transformers is only on here so I can beat the dead horse of complaining about how terrible the Transformers movies are. Some of the reactions I’ve heard to the trailers for this one have been somewhat positive, since it has a lot of elements that could make for a fun movie, but it mostly makes me wonder if people have memories like goldfish. You’ve seen what Michael Bay will do with these movies: nothing is going to change. The other have ranged from merely bad to unwatchably putrid. This one will fall in that range somewhere. Please don’t pay money to see it.
15. Baywatch – This looks like a bad idea, but occasionally taking an old TV show and turning it into a movie has worked. I mean, 21 Jump Street exists. This looks to ride that movies coattails and while the trailers haven’t been great, they have had The Rock in them, which will always get my attention, if not my money.
14. Cars 3 – I love Pixar, but there was barely enough to Cars for one movie. Even in their sequels they have managed to find new ground to cover, but I can’t say I am remotely excited for the return of this franchise.
13. Alien: Covenant – I kind of feel like maybe this should be higher, but for all that it sounds good, it also sounds like something I won’t like. For starters, it is heading back towards horror, a genre I don’t like at all.
12. The Mummy – Tom Cruise is a great action star. But it is being directed by Alex Kurtzman, on half of the writing duo responsible for some of the absolute shittiest blockbusters of the last decade. Maybe it won’t be terrible.
11. The Dark Tower – Once upon a time I loved this series. Then I read the last couple books (ie 6 & 7, I realize stuff has been published since) and they really didn’t connect with me. This film has been gestating so long that it is hard to say how it will turn out, but I do like Idris Elba and cowboys in unconventional settings, so I’ll likely give it a shot.
10. Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales – I outright skipped the fourth movie, but I still have a lot of affection for those first three. Mostly the first one, though the next two didn’t really hurt that. I more missed the fourth than intentionally skipped it. I don’t know what to make of this, other than to note that do I like Javier Bardem.
9. Valerian & The City of a Thousand Planets – I know it is based on a comic and I know it is directed by Luc Besson, but otherwise this is something of a mystery. Still, it is an original seeming sci-fi movie coming out in the heart of summer. I’m all for it.
8. War For the Planet of the Apes – The last Planet of the Apes movie was surprisingly good. This one looks like it should solid as well. I don’t know what else to say.
7. Atomic Blonde – Charlize Theron as a spy at the end of the Cold War, directed by one of the pair of directors of John Wick sounds good to me. I don’t know enough about it to put it higher on the list, although there has been some good early buzz.
6. Spider-Man: Homecoming – Sometimes I feel like the only person that doesn’t go crazy for Spider-Man, or the only one who felt nothing when he showed up in Captain America Civil War. It should be fine, but I’m not especially excited for it. There have been a lot of Spider-Man movies, and it has been quite a while since one of them was actually good.
5. King Arthur: Legend of the Sword – I think I might be the only one still on the Guy Ritchie train. I wasn’t crazy about the Sherlock Holmes movies, but I loved Man from UNCLE. I know this production has been troubled, but I am a big fan of fantasy movies and I am holding onto hope for this one.
4. Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 2 – This feels like the surest bet of this summer’s superhero movies, and all the trailers have looked really good. While the first one had surprise on its side, this one is expected to be good and I hope it lives up to those expectations.
3. Dunkirk – Christopher Nolan doing a WWII movie. I am all about that. The first trailer looked really good and I trust Nolan.
2. Wonder Woman – The trailers have been great, I am on the near the upper extreme of enjoyment from previous DC movies; this looks really good to me. It seems to be taking cues from the first Captain America movie, which is pretty good. I hope this turns out as good as it could be.
1. Baby Driver – This Summer has a Edgar Wright movie, which makes immediately better than any year without. There are a lot of cool people in the cast and a lot of cool music in the trailer. Everything about this sounds great and I can’t wait to see it.
Did I miss anything? Are there any other movies on the horizon that I should be excited for? Is there anything else in August worth even considering other than The Dark Tower in the first week?